INSIDES OF AN ORGANISM
I want to gut myself
Let it all out
Use a very pretty butchers’ knife for it
slice it left to right
I want to see the blood spilling forth, my guts screaming out
I want to do it in front of a crowd, atop a balcony
So to all I can announce, yell with all my might
“I’m Living!”
Too long has the pressure kept my guts in
Too long has the blood flowed inward
I’ve only felt oppression in my body
I want to let it all out
I want to feel the ground, see parts of me jumping out of the impact
Land next to the crowd so they can all be next to me
I want to feel close to the ground, far too long have I been away
I want to feel close to the crowd, far too long have I been away
I want to feel a thousand hands touch me, fondle me, claw at me, beat me, push me, pull me, mall me, grope me
I’ve only ever felt far, I want to feel the something else
My skin has far too long kept me away, I want it out
I want a thousand hands to tear my skin and hair off
I want to be flayed, to show my naked body in all its meat and blood
Far too long has the red of my being been away from the outside air
I want to claw at it, at the meat, I want to give the pieces of meat to those around me
I want my loved one to reach deep inside me, where a hole was made in my gut
I want them to play with my heart, to squish it, to crush it, to pull it apart, to pull it away
I want people to feel my voice, my flesh does not do it justice
I want to claw at my throat, forcefully pull my vocal cords out
I want them to have it
Far too long have the cold and the darkness held sway over me
Far too long have I only felt staticness and the freezing ice of oblivion
I want to light the flame inside me, I want to burn completely
I want to scream, to let everyone know
“I’m Living! I’m Here! I’m Free!”
I don’t want this will to be away from my body, but it will
It will leave a corpse, a beautiful corpse
I want this corpse to be observed, I want it to be felt in all its dimensions
I want my blood to course through the land, infect the very ground.
I want to live, I want to exist. For everyone else as well.